Ah awkwardness...my lifelong friend

Why am I so socially awkward? I mean I am champion-style awkward. It would be no thing if, say, I wasn't paying attention to EVERY SINGLE THING that happens around me. But I am.

Example 1 - I am minding my own business in yoga class. It's Sunday. It's crowded. I've staked out a spot up front where I am currently pulling my butt fat from my "sit bones." (mushing around the fat on your butt is something that identifies you in a yoga class as a "Veteran," yes sir. So I try to move it around real big, musical-theater-style to let everyone know up front that I know what I'm doing.

A woman interrupts my self-massage to ask me if I used to take dance class down the street. Yes, yes I did. We re-introduce ourselves to one another. And then there is that space in the conversation where I am supposed to insert some line of dialogue. She mentioned the dance class. Now I'm responsible to bring up the weather, or politics or something. And it should all flow smoothly from the previous topic. Here's what I say instead:

Me: Mmm...uh...you know I used to work at this radio station a few years back (totally unnecessary detail of my life--she's already looking bored. But trusting that this is going somewhere relavent to what we were just talking about--she keeps listening). I tell her there was this woman there that totally looked like her.

Her: um...oh. huh.

Me: (inside) what the HELL!?! (outside) um...that was back when we took dance together. And I kept thinking "You look like that woman in my dance class." Yea. 'cause you guys really looked so much alike. You really did....

There is a long pause. I've clearly fucked up my side of the conversation. She stares a little bit at me. Then we kind of just turn away and start moving our butt fat around again. But my heart's not really in it any more.

I spend the rest of class trying to really impress her with my Downward Dog. I don't think she was even looking at me. But god damn it if I didn't try to win her over with a REALLY flat back and raised hips. yea.

It's the Social Clutch Situation where I can't seem to bury my inner dork. Some people are so good at small talk. They flow easily from one innocuous conversation topic to another. I can operate with some facility in social situations if I see them coming. But catch me off guard and I will start telling you the most random thought in my head--like that I once had a dream about you years ago where you cried into my hair...OR that I used to smell your shampoo on a co-worker. It will be something odd--and it will be made even more weird by the fact that we hardly know one another.